i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
