lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
