Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
