I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He felt like a one man threesome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
