So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
