I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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