Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
