There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
