Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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