I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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