It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
