You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
