that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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