Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
