More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
