I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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