I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
