I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
