he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
