my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
