I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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