porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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