dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
