Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
