You can't special order awesome
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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