fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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