I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
