She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
