I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
