are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
