he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
