Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
