I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize