If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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