My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
