Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
