I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
