The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
