when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You kept saying ākekeā over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case youāre wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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