It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
