so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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