Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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