I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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