For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
