my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
