I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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