He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
