My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
