Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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