I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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