do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
