My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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