i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just gargled with NyQuil
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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