can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
