How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
