Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
