Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
