I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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