I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
