The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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