Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
