"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
