she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
