I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
