Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
