either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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