He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
