God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
