It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
