I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
