Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
