eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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