So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
