I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
