The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
