My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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