the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Panties = found
Randomize
